Short blog posts, journal entries, and random thoughts. Topics include a mix of personal and the world at large. 

There's always more to do

A conundrum I’ve been grappling with lately: if I get done early with the day’s schedules, should I take a break until the next day, or attack what’s to come and keep piling it on?

On a theoretical level, I think it’s healthy to take a breather, especially after I’ve already executed everything on the day’s docket. Why shouldn’t I take advantage of the well-earned leisure time? Go on; open up Youtube and drown myself in automotive-related videos. Rinse and repeat when tomorrow arrives.

The problem is that often during those downtime, the utter lack of productivity leaves me with a sense of anxiety. Perhaps my daily checklist isn’t rigorous enough, and that’s the reason I even have time leftover to begin with. Or perhaps I should get a head start on the following day’s schedules: the faster I finish, the more I can do and learn.

I’ve become so preoccupied with maximizing learning that I can’t allow myself to have satisfactory moments of mindless activity. That’s now how it’s suppose to work! I set goals for what’s to be accomplished for the day, and when those are done, that should be it: no fretting, no anxiety of inadequacy.

Think back to school days: when I got done with the night’s homework, I didn’t yearn for more or agonize over whether or not it was enough; I was only ecstatic at being able to turn on the Playstation for some Grand Theft Auto action. As far as I was concerned, the goal of homework wasn’t to reinforce learning (even though it did), but rather it was to finish as quickly as possible so that I can have free time to play games.

Why can’t I replicate that now? When I get done with the day’s task I feel like I should be doing more instead. Already studied Korean for an hour? How about another more: I’m need to study again the next day anyways, so might as well get ahead on it.

Perhaps that’s the price to pay for progression; I understand taking breaks are important, but these days I absolutely detest idle time. It’ll be a rough road, but I think I need to gradually reacclimate myself with the notion of being perfectly fine with not doing anything productive.


The many faces of San Francisco Chinatown.

The many faces of San Francisco Chinatown.