In a surprising twist out of this coronavirus lockdown situation, my mental health have actually improved during this great time of uncertainty and chaos. While experts are predicting a subsequent mental health crisis following this period of people staying at home all the time, in some surely perverse way I’ve instead gotten better psychologically. It’s probably because I am an introvert at heart, and being at home and unable to go outside is what I would call a typical Saturday. It’s the rest of you who are suffering from the quarantine.
I don’t say any of this out of hubris; rather I carry immense gratitude for how things have turned out. It was a decidedly horrible year last year mentally, and coming out from that at the beginning of this year, I knew it would be a challenge to get back to a decent equilibrium. The annual trip back home to Guangzhou was a much-needed escape and refocus, though soon as I returned to the States, the COVID-19 problem started its ascent towards a truly global pandemic. It would be a quiet two months before the virus reaches our shores, and during that I was slowly building up the psychological pieces.
And then our world got abruptly turned upside down, and our everyday routine was utterly interrupted. I’d initially thought the quarantine would prove disastrous for my mental condition, principly because of the added anxiety, and the fact I cannot do the one meditative thing I love most: driving. Like most people, for the first few weeks I was completely lost and confounded at the new reality, and other than the preoccupancy of work (from home, naturally), my other waking hours were entirely lackadaisical. I must have broken personal records on Youtube video watching during the month of March.
Having enough of that, though, I found new routines to settle into, and sort of accepted this crazy situation for what it is. Each day waking up I knew exactly what I had to accomplish, and those new habits kept me focused and active. Not one to seek advice or talk through stuff with other people, I took time to self meditate and practiced the stoic/zen philosophy of being present in the moment; concentrating on what I can control, and disregarding those that I absolutely cannot.
The improvement wasn’t instant, and the upward incline wasn’t constant, either. What I can say is that as of right now, I am as content and happy as I’ve been in quite some time. Of course, I have to recognize the tremendous privilege to have kept my job during a time when so many million Americans have not. That sadly is not something I can control; I simply take what comes to me and deal with it the best I can.
Trying to find some peace.