Rest in peace, Choi Jin Ri

Today is a very upsetting day.

I woke up to the immensely sad news that South Korean singer and actress Sulli has passed away in her apartment; an apparent suicide. She was only 25 years old.

Depression is a monster.

Sulli used to be a part of the Kpop group f(x), a group I hugely adore and whose musical influence can be seen and felt in contemporary Kpop. f(x)’s second studio album Pink Tape remains one of my favorites ever. Since Sulli’s departure from the group I haven’t followed up on her happenings that closely, though I know that she’s since become a full-time actress, and even had her own pop-up store.

A beautiful life, cut short by the demons of the world.

I hesitate to play the blame game, but Sulli’s suicide has got to be on the hands of Korean Netizens. These cowards have relentlessly attacked and criticized her since her debut in the entertainment business, and it’s so sad and frustrating it’s turned out like this. No person should have to live with such constant ridicule, and even the strongest can and will wilt under such pressure. These keyboard warriors get to live on; would they feel an ounce of remorse? I wonder.

So I’m quite upset because I feel this could’ve been prevented. Jonghyun’s suicide nearly two years ago was due to his inner turmoil, while Sulli’s death was caused by external forces, of people’s inability to be kind to another person, just because she’s a celebrity. It’s needlessly tragic, and I can only tear up at imagining the sort of pain Sulli was in that led her to such a decision.

진리씨~ 수고 많이 하셨습니다. 잘 가세요.

View fullsize

Parked on the street because it can’t make it up the driveway without scraping.

Money doesn't solve everything

I am extremely shocked and sad at the news of Anthony Bourdain killing himself this morning. He had what I and many others consider the dream job: traveling throughout the world and eating amazing food, yet plainly that wasn't enough. In the same week that Kate Spade also committed suicide, it goes to show that money, fame, and power can't possibly solve all of life's problems.

People that don't have money or power can't fathom the possibility someone with those things can still be dissatisfied with life. The usual rebuttal to the maxim "money can't buy happiness" goes "I rather be unhappy with lots of money"; well, Bourdain and Spade were obviously quite unhappy while having lots of money, and it led to death. 

Is that what you want? 

It's easy for the have-nots to imagine having unlimited funds to satiate wants would lead to a happy life. It indeed feels wonderful to buy material things and obtain various luxuries of life, but it's fleeting. Demons that existed when you are poor don't suddenly go away just because there's a large influx of cash. 

I've been there. 

In 2013 I felt like luckiest boy when I purchase my then dream car (Subaru WRX STI). I'd spent the preceding years saving up hard and it was a personal victory I was super proud of. The euphoria did not last however because in 2014 I fell into depression due to various reasons. Having the trappings of a nice car and a stable job did absolutely nothing to prevent it from happening. On paper I should be incredibly content with life, but I obviously was not, even if I wanted to be, 

Reading and traveling retrieved me from my rut. 

So it's from personal experience that I can readily see how someone like Bourdain who seemingly has it all can reach a mental place where continuing to live became untenable. It's truly sad. 

My kind of morning rays. 

Rest in peace, Kim Jonghyun

I woke up to horrible new this morning: Kpop group SHINee member Kim Jonghyun found dead in his home in an apparent suicide.

He was 27.

As someone who reveled in turning 30 just last week, Jonghyun's death somehow felt like a gut-punch to me. Never mind that SHINee is one of my favorite Kpop acts, and Jonghyun had arguably the best male vocals in the business (his ending to SM The Ballad's 'Hot Times' is a master class). It's heartbreaking to see someone so at the end of his wits that the ultimate and lasting release of death was the better option. 

At only 27 years of age. So much potential and life still ahead, but he couldn't see it. Even for me who have been through depression, I can't begin to imagine being in that place.

All the veneer of Jonghyun's success and veneration hid a deep trouble no one knew. Us fans on the outside can see but the happy side of fame and fortune, but we all have struggles, no matter the social standing. Money is a great problem solver yet it can never cover a hole that depression creates. To pull oneself out takes a combination of personal perseverance and outside help.

Unfortunately, in Asia it may still be shockingly taboo to seek psychological help, especially for a celebrity like Jonghyun. People would surely ask what can a world-class entertainer with all the accolades and money possibly have to be sad about? It's tremendous ignorance, and a total blind-spot of first-world Asia and its singular focus on equating success with happiness.

Let's be kind to one another. Appearances can mask hurt: reach out, simply to say hello. We are one in this world, and communication reaffirms it to those momentarily impeded from remembering. 

Thank you, Jonghyun. I pray you've found your peace.