Blog

Short blog posts, journal entries, and random thoughts. Topics include a mix of personal and the world at large.

What I'm working on

It is Monday, August 31st, the final day before September, of the year 2020, pandemic edition. These days with each turn of the calendar I am both surprised and dismayed that yet another month have gone past already, and still we are mired in this lockdown predicament that we’ve been in since March. When will it end? Who the heck knows, but the world keeps marching on, and so should you to the best possible.

Despite it all, I have to say my mental health have actually improved during this quarantine, something pleasantly unexpected. Coming out of a funky 2019, I was expecting a slow road back to equilibrium as another year arrives, but it seems COVID have accelerated those steps: I had to adapt quickly or risk having my anxiety issues turn for the worst. For better or worst, it seems having the space and time to focus on my thoughts - thanks, lockdown - and to think things through is a good form of psychotherapy for me.

My anxiety problem was largely resolved in Spring, and during the summer months I had a reconciliation with accepting situations as they come and going with the flow of life. Surely in part due to the quarantine, early June I was really rebelling against my current situation and being miserable that I can’t do anything about it. Eventually I come to remember that it’s rather useless to lament things that are out of my control, and life happens no matter my mood, so might as well be pleasant about things no matter if they are good or bad. Surrender to the flow and trust that it will eventually turn out okay.

As corny and magic-dust as it may sound, soon as I acquiesced to the flow, my life sort of fell into place perfectly like puzzle pieces, one after another. Things I’d normally stress over or worry about seems to fix itself, or solutions pop up just as I need it. It’s rather amazing.

Lately I’ve been working on the continuing struggle of staying present in the moment, which is a never-ending quest. Right now what I’m marinating on is that thinking about the future - near or far - robs me of the present moment. Don’t be so eager for the next thing on the list, even if that thing is better and more fun than what I am doing right now. Focus on the right now, and stop constantly anticipating; because eventually you’ll run out of the things to anticipate (read: death) and you’ll regret not having dedicated proper attention to your experiences as they happen.

That’s what I’m working on; I hope the final four months of this crazy 2020 will be at least in parts fruitful.

What would you do?

What would you do if you have many millions of dollars? As in, what you would be doing instead of your present situation? This is not in relations to anything material - spending that money on lots of nice things - but rather a philosophical questions on how would you change your life right now if all money concerns are taken away. However absurd and hypothetical the question may be, I think it’s a worthy exercise to do from time to time, because your answer will reveal what is truly most important to you and what you are passionate about.

Because let’s face it, a big reason of why we do the work we do everyday is to take care of the money problem, and who amongst us haven’t daydreamed that if only we’d hit the lottery, we’d be doing something else way more interesting instead. Well, why not follow that daydream all the way to the end: what is that “something else” you would be doing if money is not a problem? No vague answers like “follow my passion” or “quit my job”, but really drill down to precisely what specific things about your life that you would change.

Last night in conversation a friend of mind jokingly predicted I was going to the first billionaire amongst the group. To that I replied that if I had that much money, I’d move to Asia, buy a small house (with a garage, obviously), and probably read books most of the time. That is indeed what I would like to be doing, if money issues of modern civilization was not a factor: have a little place of quiet to myself, so I can do plenty of reading and studying, with a garage to store and work on my car (automobiles is the big passion of my life).

The question then becomes: is there anything actually stoping me from doing those things right now - without the bundles of cash in reserves? I may not have a house, but the type of abode doesn’t prevent me from reading books and studying. I may not have a garage, but I already bought my dream car, and keeping that lovely machine maintained and in good shape doesn’t require my own private enclosed parking space. Even the part about moving to Asia: I can do that right now (well, after COVID) if I sold much of my possessions and investments. Of course, I’d need to find a job over on the other side of the world, but even billionaires continue to work, even though they are set for life many times over.

Perhaps the lesson is: you don’t need absolute financial security to change your life towards what you truly want to do. Figure out what that is, and make a change - however small - starting today. I’m going back to reading…

Amazon shipping

In strange bit of irony, ever since I suspended my Amazon Prime account about a month ago, I’ve been doing more shopping on the website than ever. Honestly, it would have been nice to receive some of my recent purchases more quickly with the free two-day shipping offered by the Prime membership - such as the portable air-conditioning machine, but alas I had to make do with waiting the few additional days. I’d also forgotten that for non Prime customers, each purchase needs to be over $25 dollars in order to get free (slow) shipping, so sometimes I’ve had to think of more essential items to buy just to get me over that hump.

I am of course quite okay with slow shipping speeds; I wouldn’t have cancelled the Prime account if I didn’t. However, I’ve noticed that the only difference between standard and two-day shipping is a built-in delay for the former. Amazon would hold off shipping items until two days before scheduled, then it gets released to the carriers. Effectively, it’s still two-day shipping, but with a waiting period. My guess is it’s most optimal for Amazon to send all items out via two-day speed, no matter if the customer have paid for it or not. For a customer who doesn’t pay for it, the extra wait is artificial and not caused by anything logistical.

I’m old enough to remember when slow shipping on Amazon actually meant a package a physically took the extra few days to reach my home, and not because it is sat in a warehouse waiting for release. Standard shipping was ground shipping, instead of delayed two-day shipping. I reckon it’s a good tactic to get people to sign up for Prime; like blank buttons in the interior of a base-model car reminding customer of options they didn’t buy, Amazon shows non Prime shoppers like me the power and speed of two-day shipping, and it would be so easy to pay the extra money for a Prime membership to get rid of the artificial delay.

Sorry, Amazon: I’m still not going back to Prime.

Feels great, baby!

A few days ago I received an email from Citizens Bank notifying me that I’ve paid the final payment on the loan for my iPhone. The monthly expense of roughly $60 is off the books, and now I am free to spend that money somewhere else - just kidding; maybe. Indeed the notification was a nice boost to the happiness meter: it feels great to pay off debt and no longer owe anything. I had forgotten what that feels like, because what I’ve done during my whole adult life thus far is borrow money from the bank to finance a car. Even during the brief year after I sold the Mazda MX-5 and therefore completely debt free, I was saving up in preparation to buy the 911 GT3, which obviously required much additional borrowing.

The lesson here is that while it is tremendous to not have debt, I can’t seem to hang onto that feeling because I love cars way too much. The likelihood is high that after I pay off the GT3, I’ll go spend that chunk of money on another car. It’s not like I can afford to buy a house around these parts anyways; what’s the point of working hard to earn money if you don’t spend it on something you like? For me that just so happen to be cars; I’m sure for some of you, your thing must cost significantly less, and for that I congratulate you.

That email saying I’ve paid off my phone did prompt me to take a brief look at the books for the GT3, and turns out I’ve got about an average new car transaction price’s worth of payments left to go on that car. In the grand scheme of things I consider myself lucky to owe only that much on what was a six-figure transaction a year and a half ago; while the GT3 is an extravagant purchase to the relative extreme, I made sure to not extend myself by borrowing way too much, (and thus have an unsustainably high monthly payment) and with a ridiculously long loan term. I’m right on schedule to pay the car off in five years from the original purchase date, which is exactly how I planned it.

However, with interest rates so low, I can afford to be flexible. It wouldn’t cost anything to refinance the loan, extending the term and have a lower interest rate. I would then have a lower monthly payment, freeing up some money should I need to do something with it, like move out of a house and rent a spot. Of course, none of that is necessary nor possible until this whole COVID thing subsides. Keeping debt manageable and having cash in reserves is a great position that I am fortunate to be in.

Thanksgiving is cancelled

It has to be, right? I know we’re only in the middle of August right now, but I don’t think it would be possible for us to have our typical large gatherings for Thanksgiving. It would not be the responsible thing to do, not when there will be at-risk elders present (are you really not going to invite grandma and grandpa?). One of the biggest cause factors to the spread of COVID is large indoor gatherings where air-circulation is minimal; we would be naive to think that our homes wouldn’t be one of such type if we do invite our friends and family over for Thanksgiving dinner. For sure, plenty of people will have one anyways - because this is America.

I am definitely sad that I probably won’t get to eat my friend’s rather delicious turkey this year, though with the way 2020 have gone, it shouldn’t come as a surprise. We all thought the coronavirus would subside by the Summer months, but here we are approaching autumn and we are still in de-facto lockdown. In California I still cannot yet have a meal inside a restaurant, the traditional bonding act of breaking bread that I miss dearly. Some days I would wake up and wish that all of this would be over in an instant, however irrational it may be, and then reality sets in once more, and I move on with my day as I have done since March.

I did not intend to be somewhat depressive on a Monday, but this past weekend was one of the few times I got tangible frustrated at the current predicament. On top of the pandemic, the Bay Area is experiencing historically bad wildfires, and the air quality around here is so awful that it is advised we stay indoors unless absolutely necessary (good thing we’ve had a lot of practice). I was suppose to take the 911 out for a long drive on Sunday, but the terrible smog from the wildfires prevented me from doing so: last thing I want is to further exacerbate the problem with my petrol-burning toy of a sports car.

Instead then I was stuck indoors watching automotive-related videos on Youtube, which really didn’t help because all I could think about is wanting so much to go outside and drive. Seeing others being able to do so in those videos made me rage at my current situation, desperate for the moment when we can go back to our previous normal. There’s so much I want to do and be able to do again, and that future right now seems quite far away.

Perhaps I’m finally experiencing cabin fever.

No calm before storm

Well I guess I won’t be taking the GT3 out for a drive this weekend. It would be highly uncivilized to contribute to the already horrible air quality caused by the many wildfires that are burning in the Bay Area. Somewhat ironically, the areas of fun mountain roads that us local car enthusiasts frequent are almost all on fire right now, so it’s not like I can take the 911 to its usual spots, either. This is not a complaint, but rather an observation. Of course I am hoping the best for those living in the affected areas, and a hearty Godspeed to the firefighters and first-responders.

The Fall semester starts next week, which is quite difficult to believe that it’s here. These days I don’t really notice the passage of months, not with being in lockdown since March and each day largely blending into the sameness of the next. There’s no freedom to go anywhere or do the things I’m used to, no room for spontaneity, so I’ve settled down into this new rhythm, one of not noticing the usual big events on the calendar. Does it really make a difference that a new school year starts next week? Not at the moment, no: I’ll still be doing the same thing I’ve done since March for the foreseeable future.

Again, not complaining, but a statement of facts.

Under normal times I would indeed be taking the GT3 out for a spirited drive this weekend, to clear the mind and have some joy of machine before the looming Monday arrives and I’ll have to deal with the super craziness that the beginning of Fall semester typically brings. No such luck this year, obviously, and honestly none of us on the tech support side knows what a fully remote start to the school year will look like. It’s unprecedented for sure, and I hope we never have to go through it again after this one.

Stay safe. God bless.

Well this is not good!

I opened up the blinds this morning to an intensely smokey sky, immediately knowing that it’s not the usual fog we get here in San Francisco, an ominous sign for what’s currently happening in the Bay Area. As I’ve written on Monday, the region is experiencing a historic hot weather pattern, combined with freak thunderstorm conditions this past Sunday. This uniquely combustable mix have finally cracked open the gates to hell as the lightning have lit several wildfires that are burning right now. Evacuation orders are in affect for areas in the Santa Cruz mountains and Vacaville, some homes have already been destroyed; and lest we forget, we are still in the middle of a bloody pandemic.

This is not good at all.

Slightly better news for San Francisco is that the heatwave is largely over for us; we’re solidly in the 70s during the day (some of us would say that’s still rather hot, spoiled brats) while rest of the Bay Area continues to suffer through high 90s and 100s that will last for the rest of this week. Surely that’s not going to help the fire-fighting efforts, and judging from what I’m reading on the news, we’re only in the beginning stages of containing the many blazes in the area. The governor of California have declared a state of emergency, which is somewhat hilarious because haven’t we been in a sort of state of emergency since early March?

2020 cannot get any more weird and horrible if it tried, and try it will: there’s still more than four months of the year left, and November elections are looming in the horizon. At this point it’s probably better to be prepared for the worst than holding to an optimistic position that things will only improve from here on out, that surely this is the bottom. I have no doubts that all of this will pass and we’ll get back to our preferred normal, but any thoughts of a fast resolution should be out the proverbial window by now. I certainly did not think that we’ll be sitting here in August facing another school year of remote learning, and yet here we are.

Right now I can only pray that the wildfires aren’t going to get much worse, and people in the area will be safe.