Pay our respects

In Chinese culture, it is the season of Ching Ming. April 5th of every year signals the time to pay respects to ancestors at their respective grave sites. Because the actual date can land on a weekday, people tend go during the weekends immediate, before, or after.

I’ve been told the proper way to do Ching Ming is go to the cemetery in the morning. The tombstones get cleaned, and so does the area surrounding. Family members then pay respects with three sticks of incense and three bows. Fake paper money gets burned, so ancestors in the afterlife will have money to use. (These days you can even burn paper houses and paper iPhones.) Various food items are laid in front of the tombstone as offerings, and rice wine is poured onto the ground.

After the ceremony, you have a meal with your (living) family members.

2024 is the first year I get to pay respects to both of my maternal grandparents. Thankfully, they wasted a ton of money for plots at the nearby Cypress Lawn cemetery (my own parents, instead of spending money for holes in the ground, will elect to have their ashes spread), so Ching Ming for me is a mere 10 minute drive away. The festival in China - where my dad’s side of the family resides - is comparatively more arduous logistically: the ancestral grounds are a two hour drive from Guangzhou.

Of which I am looking forward to next year, as I will be flying to China for Ching Ming 2025. I’ve never perform the rites (as an adult) for my paternal grandparents, so it’s time to check off that box.

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Hotel of my people?

Habits (stay clean)

At my age - a prime 36 years old - the difficulty in traveling is the breaking of my daily routine at home. Like James Clear, I am big on habits and consistency. Traveling does make a stop to that stuff. Take for example: when I am away from home for long periods, I can’t take the usual supplements. Another example: I can’t workout when I’m traveling. Is the temporary pause detrimental? Probably not. But it just feels weird, you know?

What’s also weird is being in hotels. Most of them - expensive or otherwise - do not match up to my standards of cleanliness. Especially so for hotels in America. The western culture of not taking off your shoes indoors means accommodations here in the States have a higher baseline of dirtiness. You can vacuum that carpet all you want, housekeeping. Doesn’t change the fact that many shoes have walked over that surface.

Things are slightly better in Asia, with our culture of taking shoes off before entering an abode. Even then, the level of cleanliness scales linearly with the amount-per-night cost of the hotel (in my experience, anyways). The only experience that lived up to my admittedly high standards is the ryokan around the Mount Fuji area in Japan. That cost $250 a night in 2019 money. Read: that is expensive for me.

If I am to stay in an accommodation for at least a few days, what I do is clean the floors myself (when possible). That might sound insane to you, but the peace of mind is worth it. Plus, I get to enjoy actually clean floors. Can’t beat that!

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Prestige phone.

How often to wash?

I am thinking of a few weeks back when I was hanging out with a few classmates from improv class. The ice-breaking question (of which there were many) of “How often do you wash your bed sheets?” came to the table. I guess it’s a measure of how disgusting or clean a person is, depending on the answer.

My answer was once a month. That is caveated by the fact I shower before I go to sleep. That’s how I was raised. So much so that I cannot fathom going to bed without first showering before. How do you people do it? Those of you who showers in the morning, go through a whole day of work and grime, then climb into bed at night with only a change to pajamas. I would love to see a Venn diagram of people who shower in the morning, and people who wear shoes indoors.

It is because I always go to bed freshly cleaned that I can delay washing the bed sheets to once a month. If I were the type to not bathe before bed, I probably would switch the sheets out every few days. You know, just like they do in hotels. I always thought it was weird that hotels in America have a habit of changing out the bed sheets daily (Las Vegas sexy time notwithstanding). Then I realize it’s because of American culture of shower in the morning, not at night. Of course you have to change sheets more often if people go to bed all dirty and stuff from the day.

Other answers from my classmates: once a week, once every two weeks, and once every six months?! Granted, the last answer was from a guy who also showers before bed like I do. Still, six months of unchanging bed sheet is kind of… not that sanitary. We’re don’t live in college dorms anymore, you guys.

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How the turntables.

Mom's cooking

One of the things that comes with being Chinese is that even though you’ve moved out, your parents will still constantly give you food. Of course, that’s provided you didn’t move too far away from the house. The independent-minded you may think this goes against the meaning of truly being on your own, and on principle I’m inclined to agree. However, there are certain days that you are glad there’s food in the fridge ready to go.

I can see why take-out ordering is so popular with my generation. After a particular tough day at work, you really don’t want to spend the half hour or so cooking up dinner. It’s far easier to order something on DoorDash and have it deliveredr while you go on about something else. Or, you know, hang out on twitter until the food arrives. What I’m saying is, I get it: the will to actually cook dinner is inverse to how hard you’ve worked that day.

Which is why some days I am glad to have my mom’s cooking ready to go for the microwave. It’s certainly faster than ordering food, and I save a boatload of money not eating out. I definitely don’t make the level of income to sustain a take-out ordering habit, though I think I would totally do so if I earned more. Good thing there isn’t a Hong Kong style restaurant nearby, because I would totally patronize that for dinner every chance I get.

I don’t know how my friends with kids do it. Cooking for myself after a tiring day is difficult enough. To make enough food for more than one person? Kids that bitch about the variety of dinner deserves to get slapped. You have no idea how hard it is to cook dinner after work on a weekday until you move out on your own, and have to do it yourself.

Time to heat up the food my mom gave me this week.

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Mind the neighbor.