Doing nothing that costs nothing

Recently I saw on television a commercial for vacation rentals. The tagline was you can get away to some place from home and do absolutely nothing. Just chill on the beach, or on the deck of the rental. To escape the hustle and bustle of your regular life.

To the advert I remarked, “Wait a minute, I can do nothing right at home!”

It’s rather absurd that someone needs to spend thousands of dollar to fly somewhere simply to do nothing. I on the other hand try to do so every Saturday. I greatly admire the Jewish tradition of Shabbat (and the Christian sabbath equivalent). Adherents abstain from any type of manual labor from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. It is pure leisure for 24 hours. A mini vacation every single week, if you will.

I love that idea. After a week of busting ass at work and taking care of chores at home, it’s good to take a pause. Otherwise, what’s the point of working? Isn’t it ultimately to buy more free time? (Beyond the basic food and shelter stuff.) The brand of hustle culture that makes you feel guilty for lethargy on weekends is utterly toxic. To fill every waking hour with “productivity” and “self improvement” is how you get burned out. That’s how you speed-run through life, always onto the next task.

That was me.

Here’s my ideal Saturday morning these days: wake up and make coffee. Then sit in front the window drinking that coffee while listening to music for the next two hours or so. No social media, no YouTube. Only the sounds out of the speakers and the view out the window. Can you do that without the urge to grab your smartphone?

View fullsize

Johnny Tran!

Doing nothing

Well, I did it. I managed to do absolutely nothing for about four hours yesterday afternoon, and I don’t feel one ounce of guilt about it. All I did was sat in the chair and listen to music, periodically glancing at the twitter feed, or chatting with my friends on text. Normally on a holiday like yesterday’s Labor Day, I would be taking advantage to do more. Even if it’s just watching the backlog of subscribed shows on Youtube, in my mind that’s way more productive than getting lost in music for a few hours.

Finally, some progress.

I’m the type of person who uses busyness as a gauze for any mental anxiety I’m dealing with. So long as I’m being productive, I won’t then have the time to face any internal demons. Obviously it works for awhile, but then I’d have to keep going always. If I ever stop, then I will have to think about those other unpleasant things. For better and for worse, the feeling of accomplishment salves the pain.

It works, until it doesn’t.

Of course then even when I’m otherwise mentally okay and feeling content, the urge to keep productive remains. This is why I generally cannot relax and do nothing; weekends are for more stuff, not less! This is the toxic side of “time is your most precious commodity” that people seldom talk about. We try to cram as much life in as possible, not allowing any moments of stoppage. As with anything in life, too much towards any extreme is bad for you.

What’s all the toil during the workweek for if I can’t lounge around in daydream for half the weekend day? Life is enough of a cyclical hamster wheel as is. No need to make it worse. Daze on, my friends.

View fullsize

Zigging and zagging.

Forced relaxation

Part of being an ever aging adult is that some days you wake up and feel like shit. For absolutely no reason. This past Sunday was just that kind of day for me. I woke up in a massive fog of unwell, plus the pain of a right-side neck muscle from having slept on it incorrectly. I did nothing strenuous nor taxing on Saturday, yet there I was feeling like crap the day following. It never fails: you don’t realize how much you take feeling well for granted until you get sick.

It probably isn’t COVID, because I am typing this on the next day Monday, and I feel absolutely peach. Also, I’m fully vaccinated with the best vaccine available: Pfizer. According to new guidelines from the CDC, I have nothing to worry about whatsoever. No masks anywhere!

Anyways, feeling like crud on Sunday allowed me to do the one thing I can’t force myself to do: nothing. Yes, even on weekends when I am suppose to relax and chill, I usually still stack it full with stuff to do. Like working out, practicing the piano, or read. I didn’t have the mental power to do any of those things yesterday, so I sat in front of the laptop watching stuff, while keeping hydrated with plenty of fluids.

It took a bout of sickness for me to take a “day off”, which is kind of sad if you think about it. What is it about me that can’t seem to let everything go for a day and simply laze around? All the stuff to do will still be there the next day (and the next day). Even machines need to cool down and take a break every once in a while. I chuckle when I hear friends say they’re just going to chill for the rest of the day. It’s more envy than anything: I wish I can bring myself to do the same sometimes.

But soon as I woke up this morning feeling normal, it was back at it again. Break time is over.

View fullsize

The predecessor.

The art of doing nothing

As for as weekends go during these time of the coronavirus, I try to stay home as much as possible. Aside from the requisite run for groceries (got to eat, right?) and the occasional drive of the GT3 to keep its battery in top shape, weekends are spent at home, limiting exposure to the outside. Anyone with a functioning twitter feed would know the COVID situation in America is still far from ideal, so even though the strict lockdowns of early Spring have since expired, I’ve thus far have stuck to those same habits. The coronavirus is not something I want to catch, even if statistically I am very likely to survive it.

The problem then becomes I quickly run out of things to do at home. Not one for marathon session of television shows or video games, the weekends have started to get rather boring. I’d find ways to entertain myself, and lately it’s coming up blank more often than not. What I failed to realize is that the scenario as it is presented may perhaps be perfect already: I should simply do nothing if there is indeed nothing to do, though apparently that’s easier said than done.

I’ve been so trained on what people call “hustle culture” that it feels utterly wrong to have idle time. Spare hours outside of work should be allocated towards self improvement, in whatever form that may be: reading a novel, learning how to code, or working on a “side hustle”. We’re told that’s the recipe for success in life, and this is why it’s so awkward to not do anything on the weekends. When you’re used to business on the weekdays, i’s surprisingly discomforting to put a stop to that work for a few days. There’s an immediate sense of inadequacy, as if I am not doing enough.

But I am. On top of the regular job (which in it of itself is quite taxing), I do read books, study a language, and write every single day during the work week. What I need to understand is that weekends are not meant to be a continuation, but instead, it’s a stop; a moment to break up the monotony and introduce some balance. During normal times this would be easy: I can go outside and hang out with friends, but during COVID times, when more often than not I’d be twiddling my thumbs on Saturdays and Sundays, it’s difficult to not want to be “productive”.

It’s okay to be bored and do nothing; not because I’ve earned it, but because that’s just how it goes.

View fullsize

Light bender.