Blog

Short blog posts, journal entries, and random thoughts. Topics include a mix of personal and the world at large.

I'm fine

In a surprising twist out of this coronavirus lockdown situation, my mental health have actually improved during this great time of uncertainty and chaos. While experts are predicting a subsequent mental health crisis following this period of people staying at home all the time, in some surely perverse way I’ve instead gotten better psychologically. It’s probably because I am an introvert at heart, and being at home and unable to go outside is what I would call a typical Saturday. It’s the rest of you who are suffering from the quarantine.

I don’t say any of this out of hubris; rather I carry immense gratitude for how things have turned out. It was a decidedly horrible year last year mentally, and coming out from that at the beginning of this year, I knew it would be a challenge to get back to a decent equilibrium. The annual trip back home to Guangzhou was a much-needed escape and refocus, though soon as I returned to the States, the COVID-19 problem started its ascent towards a truly global pandemic. It would be a quiet two months before the virus reaches our shores, and during that I was slowly building up the psychological pieces.

And then our world got abruptly turned upside down, and our everyday routine was utterly interrupted. I’d initially thought the quarantine would prove disastrous for my mental condition, principly because of the added anxiety, and the fact I cannot do the one meditative thing I love most: driving. Like most people, for the first few weeks I was completely lost and confounded at the new reality, and other than the preoccupancy of work (from home, naturally), my other waking hours were entirely lackadaisical. I must have broken personal records on Youtube video watching during the month of March.

Having enough of that, though, I found new routines to settle into, and sort of accepted this crazy situation for what it is. Each day waking up I knew exactly what I had to accomplish, and those new habits kept me focused and active. Not one to seek advice or talk through stuff with other people, I took time to self meditate and practiced the stoic/zen philosophy of being present in the moment; concentrating on what I can control, and disregarding those that I absolutely cannot.

The improvement wasn’t instant, and the upward incline wasn’t constant, either. What I can say is that as of right now, I am as content and happy as I’ve been in quite some time. Of course, I have to recognize the tremendous privilege to have kept my job during a time when so many million Americans have not. That sadly is not something I can control; I simply take what comes to me and deal with it the best I can.

Real life racing

It was a delightful Sunday this past weekend as there was actual, real-life racing happening on my television. The live sports hiatus is finally over as NASCAR made its return to racing at Darlington Speedway. It didn’t matter that fans weren’t allowed in the grandstands, and the people who are there were masked up and socially distancing: the only thing that mattered is the return of competition and the competitive spirit. I don’t even particularly like NASCAR - preferring motorsport disciplines where cars turn more than one direction - but I gladly spent four hours out of my Sunday to watch the 400-mile race.

Racing simulators like iRacing have put up a convincing facsimile during the past month, but as we all found out, there is absolutely no substitute for the real thing. The responses and emotions are heightened because you instinctively know the action is real, and therefore a negative action by a driver have actual consequences. There’s no reset buttons or do-overs here: drivers either show up performing their best, or they’d be out of a job really quickly. Racing games remain a great fun and an excellent training tool; however, as much as I enjoy bombing a virtual GT3 RS around the virtual Nurburgring, I still much prefer driving my actual GT3 on real roads.

It won’t be long then until the other major sports follow in the lead of NASCAR and return to our screens. No doubt those leagues will also initially hold games without attending fans, and for sure the atmosphere won’t be there for the competitors. But for those of us watching at home, sports without fans is still magnitudes better than no sport at all. It was joy to see my father watch football as he usually does on weekends before this COVID-19 situation: the German Bundesliga has returned, with matches being held without live audience.

For me, sports is not escapism, but rather a part of what I am as a person. I’ve loved motor-racing ever since I was a kid watching Michale Schumacher battling out on the streets of Monte Carlo. Motorsports will continue to be something I follow and enjoy watching, either until I cannot physically do it anymore, or the automobile as we know and love today ceases to be (when cars can drive itself). Needless to say then I’ve really missed watching what would have been the beginning rounds of the 2020 Formula One season during this quarantine, and I hope like NASCAR, the great F1 circus can return soon enough.

This past Sunday it truly felt like some normalcy has come back.

Won’t be doing this for a long time, perhaps ever again.

Here comes the pain

With the economy practically coming to a stand-still for the better part of three months, we know there will be plenty of consequences. Some are more immediate, like the overwhelmed hospitals in New York, and some are more laggard indicators. One such item is how States will deal with the enormous budget shortfall stemming from the coronavirus stoppages. Unlike the federal government, States have a mandate to balance their budgets; therefore should revenue come up short, the expense side of the equation must acquiesce.

Today in California, our governor announced a revised budget for the coming fiscal year, accounting for the utter financial damage COVID-19 has wrought on the economy. Cuts are happening, and of consequence to me is the funding for the CSU system. Within the new calculations is a 10-percent cut to the general fund for the public university system, which represents a significant chunk of the overall CSU budget. How that will materially affect campus operations - and my very own employment prospects at San Francisco State - remains to be seen, though I would not be surprised if temporary cuts to salaries - in the form of furlough days - is going to be a thing.

Because the biggest expense is labor, of course, and with news that California will be asking State employees to take a 10-percent pay-cut, I don’t see how workers at the CSU would be spared from the trimming. Furloughs happened after the great financial crash of 2008, so it’s very likely to happen again for this current crisis. A modest decrease in salary is magnitudes better than flat-out losing employment, something over 18-million Americans have had to face with in just the past month. We should consider ourselves lucky if the worse of this is only slightly less money coming into the bank account each month.

From a different perspective, a 10-percent salary cut is roughly equal to the amount of raises CSUEU members (the employees union I belong to) received in the past four years combined. We would simply be back to our 2016 pay levels, which doesn’t seem so bad. For sure it will hurt - I don’t exempt myself from those feelings - but it could be worse: have a look at the scores fo tech workers who got laid off from UBER and AirBnb just last week.

Much like the coronavirus, the economic pain stemming from it is a shared burden by us all.

CSU moves Fall classes to virtual

The California State University system made the announcement yesterday the coming Fall 2020 semester will remain remote at all of its campuses. The news comes as a bit of a surprise: not in that classes will still be online in the Fall, but rather the powers at be at the CSU made the decision so relatively early. We are not even done with the Spring 2020 semester yet, and much like everyone else, we’re keenly waiting on what’s going to happen after this initial shelter-in-place order expires at the end of May. Instead of keeping those concerned in continued limbo, the CSU have made the choice and set the direction for the rest of the year.

Amongst the concerned includes me, who works at the San Francisco State campus. With this weirdest Spring semester ever winding down to a close, we’ve all been wondering what exactly is going to happen for Fall; will instruction continue to be virtual, or will the coronavirus situation abate enough for everyone to come back together on campus? Opinions are divided, for sure: some have really enjoyed the working-from-home experience, while others prefer the direct interaction and collaboration that only the physical workplace can provide. I’m firmly in both camps, paradoxically.

And I’m sure opinions will be split amongst students as well. A subset of whom will probably be griping about paying full-price tuition and only getting in a return a truncated college experience. That’s going to be a real problem at expensive private institutions, should they elect to keep their respective Fall semester online as well. At the CSU system, tuition - for students residing within California - is relatively cheap; coupled with grants and financial aid that many students are eligible for, the system remains in a good position. Furthermore, these student no longer have to pay for room and board, which here in San Francisco is far from cheap.

Nevertheless, with yesterday’s announcement our questions about Fall have been answered, and we now know the job that must be done in order to facilitate the continuation of remote learning for the rest of the year. Two months ago I’d never would have figured things will turn out like this, and in some ways, this CSU news is a confirmation the affects of COVID-19 will continue to remain with us for many more months to come.

Vettel will leave Ferrari

The 2020 Formula One season has yet to turn a single wheel in anger - thanks to the coronavirus - and we are already knee-deep in the ‘silly season’. Yesterday the bombshell dropped that four-time World Champion Sebastian Vettel will not renew his contract with Ferrari after the 2020 season; today, the official Scuderia Ferrari twitter account confirmed the news. Lots of cliches can be thrown around, but indeed it marks the end of an era at the famous Italian team, with Ferrari firmly placing their future hopes and aspirations on young Charles LeClerc.

Such is the cruel fate of the sporting world: the young upstart replacing the aged veteran, no matter how many trophies rest on the mantle of the latter.

If Vettel fails to capture the world title this season, it will mark his tenure with Ferrari as somewhat of a disappointment. So much fanfare was made when he made the jump to the Scuderia from Red Bull, bringing with him four consecutive driver championships, and the legacy of one Michael Schumacher, Vettel’s racing idol, whose success with the Maranello squad is stuff of legends. With just over a dozen victories and zero championships in the past four years, the promise brought on by Vettel’s arrival in Italy has yet to be fulfilled.

For sure, the utter dominance of team Mercedes during this current turbo-hybrid era means that the promise of many other drivers and teams throughout the grid were for naught as well. However, Ferrari produced a competitive car in the 2017 and 2018 seasons, but Vettel simply could not deliver. This older Vettel have shown a vulnerability in not reacting well to pressure, famously crashing into wall at the 2018 German Grand Prix, the turning point of his championship battle with Lewis Hamilton. Unlike the young phenom that won four titles with Red Bull, we did not see the same fight in recent seasons from Vettel.

And now his seat at the Scuderia will be vacant after the 2020 season; the drivers musical chairs have begun in earnest. Who will be lucky person to step into such a hallowed seat? Will it be Lewis Hamilton, whose own contract with Mercedes is expiring at the end of the year as well. At which team will Vettel land? A prodigal return to the Red Bull team, perhaps? If Bernie was still in charge of F1, I’d bet he would engineer a move for Vettel to team with Hamilton at Mercedes - it will elevate interest and ratings of F1 instantly, something direly needed right now with the sport suffering from the shutdown affects of COVID-19.

What will I do

One thing to think about while we are all effectively locked inside our homes is what our lives will look like once we are no longer restricted to our residences. For sure, by that time the coronavirus situation will still be far form over, but at the very least, the many activities we are used to doing before the virus outbreak is going to be available to us again. The question is, then: will we go back to them enthusiastically?

Let’s say the local comedy club reopens: are you going to go? Will you risk being in a room with over a hundred strangers sharing the same air in a tightly packed space? What about concerts? Plays? Theatre? I personally won’t be patronizing those sort of entertainment venues anytime soon, even with the so-called social distancing protocols in affect. Is the inside of an airplane any safer with all of the middle seats unoccupied? It sure doesn’t appear to be.

The more intrepid of us will of course have no qualms about going back out to places and being amongst the crowd as soon as the authorities would allow it. It’s not because these type of people want to die, but rather they believe they are immune to the disease, that they’re healthy enough and well enough that COVID-19 would be ineffective towards them. It’s the same mental power that compels a solider to charge into battle: they seriously do not believe they will be the ones to die. These people know and understand the danger, but think themselves lucky they won’t catch the virus under any circumstances.

I definitely do not have that line of thinking; even after the shelter-in-place order is over, I’ll still be extra cautious about going outside and doing various activities. One thing I really do miss however is seeing my friends in person, and sharing a lovely meal at a restaurant. If there’s one thing I’m eagerly waiting to do again, it’s dining out with the people I care out.

We’ve got 2/3rds of a month to go, as of this writing. God speed.

Might I recommend some reading during this time of quarantine.

Team no rush

One of the best parts about working from home is that I get to set my own pace. When the user I am supporting is not directly in front of me but rather many miles away across the Internet, there is no practical need to rush. Even for issues as urgent as not being able to connect to the campus servers, I am still able to take a moment to make sure I’ve got everything prepared and considered before communicating back to the customer.

I think this deliberate slowing down definitely helps to decrease my stress levels. While I am generally quick on my feet, the details often get lost when I am rushing into a solution or conclusion. When I get some time to parse things through, the approach to a problem becomes more holistic, and the chances of missing something that should have been immediately apparent is lessened. Face-to-face interactions with users - before this whole COVID-19 mess - sometimes don’t allow for such freedom, and I slide towards being more stressed about not being able to come up with an answer than whether the answer is the right one.

This is why I hate playing games with friends that require quick thinking and has a time limit.

Working from home gives me time to think, and I have to say it’s something I am going to miss once we are allowed back on campus. I think a good lesson to carryover from this experience is to try not be in a rush, even if circumstances perhaps won’t grant such leisure. The endgame is to provide excellent support, so taking a bit to time to get it right is worth the initial indignation from a customer that I’ve taken too long.

It’s certainly something to keep in mind.