Blog

Short blog posts, journal entries, and random thoughts. Topics include a mix of personal and the world at large.

Out of the fire

And into the frying pan.

Today was suppose to mark the end of the coronavirus quarantine. It was suppose to be a day when we can finally begin to rebuild some semblance of our old normalcy. Yet here I am, typing this on June the 1st, under curfew conditions in San Francisco because protests and riots have broken out all over America. We’ve come out of one hell and onto the next. The uprising is caused by the brutal killing of George Floyd - a black man - at the hands of police in Minnesota last week. In what is another graphic episode of police brutality towards African Americans, it seems to have lit the fuse to an explosive tinderbox that’s been at a boiling point for a very long time.

No doubt the COVID-19 lockdowns and the disastrous economic situation - 100,000 plus Americans dead, and 40 million plus unemployed - are contributing factors to the sudden and rapid proliferation of chaos. It’s morbidly interesting that both sides of the political spectrum - even Republicans who have generally sided with police - have condemned the horrific murder of Floyd, and yet this is the one to break the proverbial camel’s back, the very last straw. Having been stuck inside our homes for three straight months with huge looming economic uncertainty probably added significant fuel to the fire.

The people was waiting for something to rebel against, and police corruption is as good a platform as any.

So it’s great to see crowds fighting out there in the streets, protesting for justice. Though I have to say it seems we’ve forgotten about the coronavirus entirely: can’t exactly socially distance amongst a protesting crowd, can you? I fear in two weeks’ time there will be a huge spike in cases, though I obviously hope I am wrong. Also, shame on the opportunists who are using the peaceful protests as a cover to destroy businesses and loot from stores. Destruction of property is never the answer and should not be tolerated. These terrible people completely undermines the message, and the damage caused will have negative ramifications long after this is over.

But it isn’t over yet; San Francisco’s curfew is indefinite. I pray the worse isn’t yet to come before the eventual resolution, whatever it may be.

The E30 BMW probably belongs to someone who works here.

The typist

It’s been a long time since I bought my first mechanical keyboard, way back when it was a weird and quirky niche of the overall computing peripheral market. Why would anyone want a relatively huge keyboard with incredibly loud keys? Especially when Apple practically ushered in an era of small “chiclet” style keys with very flat caps and small travel. Mechanical keyboards were suppose to be a relic of the past, back when the biggest name in technology was IBM.

I purchased a mechanical keyboard because I think of myself as some sort of a writer, and as we all know, an artist is only as good as his tools (am I right?). I’ve read online from serious typists about the beauty of mechanical keys and how the tactile feeling really contribute to a satisfying and comfortable typing experience. I didn’t exactly think of it that way: back in those days the thought of spending a hundred dollars on yet another computer accessory was irresistible. I mean, I truly need it so I can type better!

Indeed I quite enjoy the feel of typing on a mechanical keyboard, though to say it contributed positively to my writing would be a lie. Much like a fancy sports car, it’s a nice thing to have, but functionally it’s the same as any other car. In recent years I’ve actually stopped using a mechanical keyboard because of how unwieldy it is compared to the modern wireless units. In these contemporary times when technologies are run wirelessly, any remaining vestige of cables stands out way too much. So I went for the aesthetics play, opting for form over function.

Because back in the days before the proliferation of mechanical keyboards (to where every major manufacturer has one), you were stuck with buying these behemoths that did not come in wireless versions. Worse if you’re Mac user like me: good luck finding a keyboard with the appropriate Mac-specific keys. Fast forward to now, not only can I easily find mechanical keyboards geared towards Apple laptops, the boards have also gotten much slimmer in build, and many bluetooth versions can be found for sale. It’s a supremely good time if you’re in the market right now, though sadly I am of a stage in life where spending a hundred dollars on a redundant accessory is not something to do.

Maybe if I sell my admittedly fabulous Das Keyboard…

It's my Summer

It’s difficult to believe we’ve moved past Memorial Day already. That means the Spring 2020 school semester has finished, and Summer has officially begun, even though from the earthly orbit perspective there’s still about a month to go. In usual times I would have gotten on plane already, probably towards somewhere in Asia for two weeks of fun and galavanting. Of course, that’s most definitely not happening this year; chances are, I’m not flying anywhere for a very long time.

Indeed it’s the coronavirus that have made the turning to Summer such an awkward feeling. It seems like I’ve been in a mode of limbo ever since the beginning of March, when San Francisco announced a shelter-in-place order. As of this writing the order hasn’t even expired yet, which further exacerbates this feeling of disorientation. It’s great that we’ve turned the leaf over on another school year, but there’s really no change in joyfulness, not when we’re still stuck in our homes. What’s the point of taking vacation days when you can’t go anywhere?

That being said, it does appear the quarantine situation in San Francisco is de-facto over, and officially so in another four days on the 31st (unless they extend it again for a third time). Traffic have returned to their normal levels (which is to say, heavily congested), and the streets were mighty rowdy this past Memorial Day weekend. Compounded by a recent wave of excellent weather, plenty of people are so ready for the lockdown to be over that they didn’t wait until the official date. I don’t exactly blame them, though at the risk of virtual signaling, I’ve continued to stay at home unless absolutely necessary.

But I too am ready to go back outside. Cautiously, of course. Four more days to go untilI I can freely take the 911 out for a meditative drive. Four more days until I can freely hang out with my friends and share a meal. Four more days until the extroverts can return to their milieu (that’s you, not me). Four more days until we can see what this next chapter in the COVID-19 saga will look like. I am optimistic.

Survivor's guilt

With the world having turned upside down for so many Americans in losing their jobs and the massive amount of uncertainty that brings, it’s a somewhat awkward feeling from where I am standing in comparison. I’m immensely lucky to have kept my employment through this COVID-19 pandemic, and the rest of my family is doing alright as well. News of millions of people filing for unemployment brings me slight pangs of unease, that I am somehow undeserving to not be amongst the unfortunate. I am not all that special, so why has the lady of luck chose me?

That sense of guilt regarding my relative prosperity during this coronavirus situation gets turn into anxiety over if and when the pendulum of hurt will swing towards me, that the wheel of fortune will surely begin a downward fall from its heights. So then I overdo and overthink it when it comes to work, on the silly belief that I have to work extra hard to be deserving of me being okay while so many others are not. That’s when I start to become careless about details, and worrying about things that I have no control over. If another team is particularly busy with tasks, I would feel bad about not contributing, even though it’s decidedly not my area of expertise and focus.

This sort of useless grasping is super tiring, and not productive at all from a work standpoint and that of mental health. But I cannot help to be sucked into that line of thought from time to time, especially when I’ve just read on the news about companies laying off employees, or State budgets getting obliterated due to the shutdown. There must be something I have to do to keep my positive situation static, so I extend myself in fretting over things I have absolutely no control over.

And that’s a fraught path to go down. The fact that I have a job that the pandemic have not adversely affected is by pure chance. I am entirely grateful for it, obviously, and the only thing I can do is to continue execute tasks at work to the best I can. It’s not helpful to feel bad about being fine during this quarantine, and that I’m greatly looking forward to the end of sheltering-in-place. I shall deal with events as they arrived, rather than being anxious about potentialities. As of right now, everything is okay.

Pocari Sweat: the best non-alcoholic drink!

The joy of pet

It’s been a little over a month since my family adopted a two-year old cat, and I have to say the experience thus far has been an absolute joy. It’s a special sort of feeling when I wake up in the morning, head downstairs for breakfast, and the cat is there to meow and greet me enthusiastically. It automatically makes all the mornings that extra bit happier and nicer, even if there’s a dreadful workday up ahead. In some ways it actually makes me want to get up from the bed, rather than laze around a little more scrolling through twitter.

Unlike a dog, the cat doesn’t ask for our attention constantly: it’s fully content just lying around here and there as we go about our daily business. I’d be working in front of the computer, and often times the cat would jump onto the loveseat to take a nap. Because we adopted a relatively older kitten (compared to one that’s just been born), it’s already domestically trained (and neutered!). We don’t have to worry about it going to the bathroom outside of the litter, and it knows where the food is being served, so long as we keep the bowls full of its favorite cat food (Purina One).

Whenever I get bored or am taking a break from things, it’s wonderful to have the cat there to play with. Our kitten loves to lie on its back, showing us its stomach so we can playfully scratch it. In true lazy cat fashion, it wants us to do all the work, while it just lie there not really moving anything. I can forgive it for that, because it sure beats having to take it outside periodically like we would if we had adopted a dog instead. Dog owners during this time of coronavirus quarantine must have it slightly tough.

We definitely should have gotten a cat way sooner; I’m looking forward to many more splendid years with our little mitten.

I'm fine

In a surprising twist out of this coronavirus lockdown situation, my mental health have actually improved during this great time of uncertainty and chaos. While experts are predicting a subsequent mental health crisis following this period of people staying at home all the time, in some surely perverse way I’ve instead gotten better psychologically. It’s probably because I am an introvert at heart, and being at home and unable to go outside is what I would call a typical Saturday. It’s the rest of you who are suffering from the quarantine.

I don’t say any of this out of hubris; rather I carry immense gratitude for how things have turned out. It was a decidedly horrible year last year mentally, and coming out from that at the beginning of this year, I knew it would be a challenge to get back to a decent equilibrium. The annual trip back home to Guangzhou was a much-needed escape and refocus, though soon as I returned to the States, the COVID-19 problem started its ascent towards a truly global pandemic. It would be a quiet two months before the virus reaches our shores, and during that I was slowly building up the psychological pieces.

And then our world got abruptly turned upside down, and our everyday routine was utterly interrupted. I’d initially thought the quarantine would prove disastrous for my mental condition, principly because of the added anxiety, and the fact I cannot do the one meditative thing I love most: driving. Like most people, for the first few weeks I was completely lost and confounded at the new reality, and other than the preoccupancy of work (from home, naturally), my other waking hours were entirely lackadaisical. I must have broken personal records on Youtube video watching during the month of March.

Having enough of that, though, I found new routines to settle into, and sort of accepted this crazy situation for what it is. Each day waking up I knew exactly what I had to accomplish, and those new habits kept me focused and active. Not one to seek advice or talk through stuff with other people, I took time to self meditate and practiced the stoic/zen philosophy of being present in the moment; concentrating on what I can control, and disregarding those that I absolutely cannot.

The improvement wasn’t instant, and the upward incline wasn’t constant, either. What I can say is that as of right now, I am as content and happy as I’ve been in quite some time. Of course, I have to recognize the tremendous privilege to have kept my job during a time when so many million Americans have not. That sadly is not something I can control; I simply take what comes to me and deal with it the best I can.

Real life racing

It was a delightful Sunday this past weekend as there was actual, real-life racing happening on my television. The live sports hiatus is finally over as NASCAR made its return to racing at Darlington Speedway. It didn’t matter that fans weren’t allowed in the grandstands, and the people who are there were masked up and socially distancing: the only thing that mattered is the return of competition and the competitive spirit. I don’t even particularly like NASCAR - preferring motorsport disciplines where cars turn more than one direction - but I gladly spent four hours out of my Sunday to watch the 400-mile race.

Racing simulators like iRacing have put up a convincing facsimile during the past month, but as we all found out, there is absolutely no substitute for the real thing. The responses and emotions are heightened because you instinctively know the action is real, and therefore a negative action by a driver have actual consequences. There’s no reset buttons or do-overs here: drivers either show up performing their best, or they’d be out of a job really quickly. Racing games remain a great fun and an excellent training tool; however, as much as I enjoy bombing a virtual GT3 RS around the virtual Nurburgring, I still much prefer driving my actual GT3 on real roads.

It won’t be long then until the other major sports follow in the lead of NASCAR and return to our screens. No doubt those leagues will also initially hold games without attending fans, and for sure the atmosphere won’t be there for the competitors. But for those of us watching at home, sports without fans is still magnitudes better than no sport at all. It was joy to see my father watch football as he usually does on weekends before this COVID-19 situation: the German Bundesliga has returned, with matches being held without live audience.

For me, sports is not escapism, but rather a part of what I am as a person. I’ve loved motor-racing ever since I was a kid watching Michale Schumacher battling out on the streets of Monte Carlo. Motorsports will continue to be something I follow and enjoy watching, either until I cannot physically do it anymore, or the automobile as we know and love today ceases to be (when cars can drive itself). Needless to say then I’ve really missed watching what would have been the beginning rounds of the 2020 Formula One season during this quarantine, and I hope like NASCAR, the great F1 circus can return soon enough.

This past Sunday it truly felt like some normalcy has come back.