Blog

Short blog posts, journal entries, and random thoughts. Topics include a mix of personal and the world at large. 

What is sleep?

As I’m listening to this podcast episode about sleep this morning, I am reminded of just how little my housemates have been getting these past months. Ever since their twin boys were born last September, both parents have been running on four hours of sleep per night. I cannot comprehend how they do it. The last time I only got four hours of sleep (had to pick up a friend after the Taylor Swift concert), I was in a suboptimal daze for the entire week following.

Either I am weak, or, you know, proper amounts of sleep is the best thing for our body that pharmaceuticals can’t hope to replicate.

But, as new parents, my friends got to do what they got to do. Though it’s not really good advertising to entice others to have kids. So you’re telling me: the babies will cry every few hours (like PTSD), I only get few hours of sleep a night - therefore my body don’t have the necessary time to repair itself, my stress levels are through the roof, and my diet is absolute super-processed shit. All for the privilege of bring a new life into this world. Honorable, but damn if it looks like not so good a time.

Life is a big game of tradeoffs. That aforementioned is the sacrifice required to have kids. Just like if you want to date and get married, then some of your leisure activities will have to go. One quite literally cannot have it all. You drill down to the few things most important, and then focus on them solely. Once kids arrive, then obviously something - a lot of something - else is no longer in the “most important’ category. Like sleep, or traveling to foreign countries for fun.

Thankfully (and hopefully soon), my housemates will get some sleep hours back. Once the twins reach a stage where they are able to sleep overnight consistently. Surely other parenting challenges await after that. But, a well-rested and well-slept parent is better adept at meeting those challenges.

It was all yellow.

Things are happening!

Hey so what a crazy day thus far. I was ready to walk to work when I received a phone call from my housemate (I was already out the door so a shout downstairs wouldn’t have sufficed). He says his pregnant wife’s (a fellow housemate, obviously) water just broke. Things are happening, so I’m needed to take a sick day and look after the dog. It’s all good: I need very little motivation (slash excuse) to not go to work. And mind you I like my job a lot.

So right now I am just chilling at the house with the dog, whilst waiting for the good thing to happen. How long a woman stay in labor varies, right? The babies (it’s twins) will either come out later today, or sometime tomorrow. God willing the labor period isn’t anymore longer than that! I am most excited (among many other excitements) to finally find out the names. I guess it’s unlucky to reveal the name before the baby comes out? Therefore none of the friends know the names yet. We’ll find out when the boys pop out of the mommy.

And then everything will be different after that. The house will be a constant backdrop of baby noises, interspersed with momentary periods of silence. Noise-cancelling headphone technology will come in real handy for me. Earplugs for sure when I go to sleep. Someone’s going to still get the proper amounts of sleep in this house, and it’s going to be me. Because I need to be in peak condition whenever my help will most certainly be asked for in the coming future.

Half joking aside, it’s rather emotional to think such a big life event is happening for my close friends. I’ve other friends with kids, but this particular one hits figuratively close to home: we’ll all be under the same roof. The fact that I’ll get to witness (and hear) the process on a daily basis is kind of special. Looking forward to it!

We’re just waiting.

Great news!

(DJ Khaled voice) Big life change alert: my housemates/landlords are having babies. That’s right, plural. They’re expecting twin boys coming due around September. We are all very excited for this next stage of life for them, though those of us living under this roof are going to rue the departure of peace and quiet. It’s going to be a rowdy few years (at least) until the babies grow into kids who can behave themselves. Earplugs for everyone! Well, not everyone: just me. My housemates actually have to wake up when the babies are crying.

As a noted lover for all things peace and quiet, I think there was some concern that I would move out of the house on this baby news. While indeed I do prefer absolute quiet, there is no way I’m abandoning this place. The only constant in life is change, and if I run away every single time it does, that costs a lot of money. Speaking of money, if I do move out, it would be difficult for my housemates to rent it out to another person. Incoming twin babies living right above you is not so attractive on an advert.

It would be unkind to remove an income stream just as they need it the most. The joke is: they’ve only budgeted for one kid! Besides, there’s no way I’m giving up living close enough to work that I can walk there.

Another big life change later this year is my dad retiring from work. At which point I would be old enough to have two retired parents. A sort of weird milestone that you really don’t think about at all until it creeps up on you. After slaving away for nearly thirty years - after immigrating to America from China - just so me and my brother can have a better life, the pending retirement is hugely deserved for my father.

Meanwhile, my housemates are just about to begin that journey. It’s going to be chaotic around here.

Laker colors.

You'll miss it when it's gone

I go almost every Friday over to my friends’ house to see their two boys. Well, primarily for a free dinner, but it doesn’t change the fact the kids are there as well. At the tender age of six and four, the changes week by week can be rapid. One week you can kiss the eldest hello and goodbye, then the next he doesn’t want you to anymore. Because he learned at school that’s not what boys do. At least I’m not the mother who got asked to stop calling him “baby”. That must hurt!

This is why when it comes to young kids, I’ve come up with a saying: “You’ll miss it when it’s gone.” Especially the minor things you currently complain about with their behavior. Still wanting you to feed them food even though they’re six years old? You’ll miss the bonding time when they soon would rather eat by themselves, away from the dinner table. Asking you too many questions with that typically endless curiosity of kid? You’ll miss it come the teenage years, and it’s you who desperately want to communicate.

I’m not sure my friends appreciate me saying they’ll miss it when it’s gone. After all, I’m only there for about three hours out of the week. I don’t have to deal with those behavioral annoyances constantly. It’s entirely possible that if and when I have kids of my own, my tune would be different. Feed you? Feed yourself! You’re six! Carry you? You can walk just fine.

One things for sure: if I do have kids, they will get my absolute undivided attention. The time for hobbies and personal interests is over. Any kid will and should usurp all of those things. I come home from a long day at work and guess what? It’s time to play with the kids. No more piano practice. No more joys of reading.

Which is why I’m not in any hurry.

Tag yourself!

Kids these days

The progeny of my generation are so spoiled compared to how we had it. At least from my perspective of having grown up in a working-class family.

But that’s the point, isn’t it? To give the best to our kids. The generation prior suffered so the generation after can have more options.

This past weekend, my cousin threw a one year birthday party for his son, renting out a private room in a sort of fancy restaurant. Admittedly, it was great time spent with family, and the food was pretty damn delicious. All of that could not have been cheap, and yet I don’t think my nephew would ever remember the experience. I surely don’t remember my first birthday party - if there even was one.

The advantage my kid nephew has if he’s so inclined to revisit his first birthday party later on is that there’s plenty of pictures and videos of the event. The babies these days have their lives so well documented, thanks to everyone around them having a smartphone. Literally every single day since his birth, there’s photos of my nephew on my cousin’s phone. In fact, his wife specifically purchased the larger storage capacity of iPhone for this very purpose.

Talk about embarrassing photos of youth resurfacing later on in life: the kids of today have no idea what’s going to hit them when their parents can dig out photographic evidence from any particular time from their entire existence.

But are we too busy documenting our babies’ every moment that we are forgetting to be in the moment? I think the potential pitfall is certainly there. It’s rather like how some people attending concerts seem to be more preoccupied with capturing the performance on their phones than actually listening to the music live as is.

I guess I’ll find out for myself. Eventually.

Diplomatic immunity.