Blog

Short blog posts, journal entries, and random thoughts. Topics include a mix of personal and the world at large.

Wonder

Yesterday was the first Juneteenth holiday that we, as employees of San Francisco State University, got since it became a federal holiday a few years back. A day to commemorate the emancipation of slaves - it doesn’t get much more American than that.

So what did I do my day off? My friend has a membership to the California Academy of Sciences, in the heart of Golden Gate Park. He intends to bring his two young boys there regularly. One perk of the membership: you can bring along two adult guests for free. I’ve not been to the Academy of Sciences since its renovation, so I was eager to tag along. Besides, my friend did all the driving and parking-finding, which is a headache I’m glad to outsource.

It seems everybody with kids in the single digit of age - and had the day off - was there at Cal Academy yesterday. There were strollers everywhere, mothers in yoga pants, and dads carrying the diaper/snack bags. A pandemonium of children staring in wild-eyed wonder at the exhibits. It’s really lovely to see. That is what it’s all about, isn’t it? To excite the curiosity of kids, to introduce them to the wonders of science. My friend’s youngest son was more interested in the repairman fixing a broken elevator up on the rooftop garden. That little guy just might become a mechanical engineer.

Having young children seems to be a lot like having a dog. You take them outside to do activities - like visiting the Cal Academy - so it would tire them out. Your evening will then be way more pleasant while they are placated and satisfied in their corner. Cooped-up children - much like cooped up dogs - are no good for anyone. Go outside! Get some vitamin D.

Thanks to my friend, I got glimpse into a slice of the parenting life pie. Granted, with a selection bias towards couples that have the Juneteenth holiday off work.

Great news!

(DJ Khaled voice) Big life change alert: my housemates/landlords are having babies. That’s right, plural. They’re expecting twin boys coming due around September. We are all very excited for this next stage of life for them, though those of us living under this roof are going to rue the departure of peace and quiet. It’s going to be a rowdy few years (at least) until the babies grow into kids who can behave themselves. Earplugs for everyone! Well, not everyone: just me. My housemates actually have to wake up when the babies are crying.

As a noted lover for all things peace and quiet, I think there was some concern that I would move out of the house on this baby news. While indeed I do prefer absolute quiet, there is no way I’m abandoning this place. The only constant in life is change, and if I run away every single time it does, that costs a lot of money. Speaking of money, if I do move out, it would be difficult for my housemates to rent it out to another person. Incoming twin babies living right above you is not so attractive on an advert.

It would be unkind to remove an income stream just as they need it the most. The joke is: they’ve only budgeted for one kid! Besides, there’s no way I’m giving up living close enough to work that I can walk there.

Another big life change later this year is my dad retiring from work. At which point I would be old enough to have two retired parents. A sort of weird milestone that you really don’t think about at all until it creeps up on you. After slaving away for nearly thirty years - after immigrating to America from China - just so me and my brother can have a better life, the pending retirement is hugely deserved for my father.

Meanwhile, my housemates are just about to begin that journey. It’s going to be chaotic around here.

You'll miss it when it's gone

I go almost every Friday over to my friends’ house to see their two boys. Well, primarily for a free dinner, but it doesn’t change the fact the kids are there as well. At the tender age of six and four, the changes week by week can be rapid. One week you can kiss the eldest hello and goodbye, then the next he doesn’t want you to anymore. Because he learned at school that’s not what boys do. At least I’m not the mother who got asked to stop calling him “baby”. That must hurt!

This is why when it comes to young kids, I’ve come up with a saying: “You’ll miss it when it’s gone.” Especially the minor things you currently complain about with their behavior. Still wanting you to feed them food even though they’re six years old? You’ll miss the bonding time when they soon would rather eat by themselves, away from the dinner table. Asking you too many questions with that typically endless curiosity of kid? You’ll miss it come the teenage years, and it’s you who desperately want to communicate.

I’m not sure my friends appreciate me saying they’ll miss it when it’s gone. After all, I’m only there for about three hours out of the week. I don’t have to deal with those behavioral annoyances constantly. It’s entirely possible that if and when I have kids of my own, my tune would be different. Feed you? Feed yourself! You’re six! Carry you? You can walk just fine.

One things for sure: if I do have kids, they will get my absolute undivided attention. The time for hobbies and personal interests is over. Any kid will and should usurp all of those things. I come home from a long day at work and guess what? It’s time to play with the kids. No more piano practice. No more joys of reading.

Which is why I’m not in any hurry.

First time babysitting

I have found the secret to babysitting.

This past Friday, my friends had a wedding to attend, so I volunteered to look after their two young boys for a few hours (ages three and five). I’ve known these kids since they were born, so their familiarity with me should make for a pretty smooth evening. And indeed it was. The boys didn’t care at all that both parents will be gone for awhile. I guess they’ve past that age of separation anxiety.

The secret to babysitting young kids is to provide them with your undivided attention. You can’t be on your phone or stare at a laptop screen the whole time while they’re playing by themselves. This isn’t a time to watch Netflix. My friend’s two boys like to have someone sit right next to them while they play with toys or watch something on the iPad. I was ready to react anytime they had a comment or wanted me to look at something.

Can’t do that while I’m scrolling through twitter endless on my iPhone! I think kids innately know whether you’re paying attention to them or not. It’s not something you can fake. That “uh huh” while you’re still looking at the laptop screen rings very hollow to a kid’s ears.

And that’s the sacrifice to having kids, isn’t it? The world you had previously: the social media, the TV shows, even conversation with your friends - those things are way in the back burner now. Giving time and attention to your kids is rule number one. Everything else almost don’t matter. Don’t be that pet owner who looks at his phone the whole time while walking the dog. That’s the commitment you chose.

There will come a time when the kids get old enough (teenage years) that they can be left alone for extend periods. Until then, the best way to be with kids is actually be with them, fully.

For the kids

The group of people I feel most sorry for during this COVID pandemic - outside of those directly affected with the horrible disease - is the children. To have this period of tremendous growth and learning so utterly upended by the lockdowns is going to affect the kids negatively for a very long time to come. Especially the younger ones: their naiveté may shield them from any rational fears and worries, but I think the damage done is subconscious. Not being able to see their friends or have any other social interaction beyond their own parents, for going on seven months now, cannot not possibly be good for their growing psyche.

It sucks for the older kids as well. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have the fun parts high school - proms and various gatherings - be taken away. The current juniors and seniors will never get those experiences back. The answer to the question “How was your senior prom?” will always be a resigning sadness, followed by an explanation of how there wasn’t a prom that year because of COVID. Missed weddings for adults can always be done at a later date. High school prom? That’s a once in a lifetime thing you simply don’t get to do again.

I really feel sorry for the kids.

A coworker of mine brings his daughter in to work whenever he has to physically come to campus. The kid is only four years old, so she has zero idea as to the rhythm and reason of the current predicament. Having to attend class remotely is just another new adventure in her brief life thus far. Her daily cheeriness every time I see them is something of a bright spot. Ignorance can indeed be bliss in this situation, but sometimes I can’t help but agonize at the subliminal hurt that all of this craziness is causing the kid, ramifications that I don’t think we yet know will occur down the road.

As much as I try to humor the daughter and indulge in chat with her, deep down I know what’s most important for her is to return back to the pre-COVID normal. To be able to once gain see and hangout with peers her age, and do fun stuff on the weekends.

Kids these days

The progeny of my generation are so spoiled compared to how we had it. At least from my perspective of having grown up in a working-class family.

But that’s the point, isn’t it? To give the best to our kids. The generation prior suffered so the generation after can have more options.

This past weekend, my cousin threw a one year birthday party for his son, renting out a private room in a sort of fancy restaurant. Admittedly, it was great time spent with family, and the food was pretty damn delicious. All of that could not have been cheap, and yet I don’t think my nephew would ever remember the experience. I surely don’t remember my first birthday party - if there even was one.

The advantage my kid nephew has if he’s so inclined to revisit his first birthday party later on is that there’s plenty of pictures and videos of the event. The babies these days have their lives so well documented, thanks to everyone around them having a smartphone. Literally every single day since his birth, there’s photos of my nephew on my cousin’s phone. In fact, his wife specifically purchased the larger storage capacity of iPhone for this very purpose.

Talk about embarrassing photos of youth resurfacing later on in life: the kids of today have no idea what’s going to hit them when their parents can dig out photographic evidence from any particular time from their entire existence.

But are we too busy documenting our babies’ every moment that we are forgetting to be in the moment? I think the potential pitfall is certainly there. It’s rather like how some people attending concerts seem to be more preoccupied with capturing the performance on their phones than actually listening to the music live as is.

I guess I’ll find out for myself. Eventually.